What if we never asked about the weather again?
I have immersed myself in the world of language and communication for the past 20 years, as a Coach and Coach trainer, as an actor and presenter, and my experience tells me that we all crave connection, that deep down, we just want to be real and get real with each other. So why is it we have so many conversations that never get passed the surface, that don’t lead to any intimacy, that leave us feeling no closer to each other? What are we scared of?
I’m 53, been married, divorced and spent many years since as a single man. So many times I have been interested in a woman, really wanted to show that and see if something could develop between us and then been stopped. So many opportunities passed me by and left me wondering. If only I had asked questions that actually made a difference. As a single man, I had little trouble with the “conversation starter”, the “ice breaker”, but when it came to asking the questions that might take us further, the “risky” ones, that’s where I would be stopped.
“If only I had asked questions that actually made a difference.”
And it hasn’t been restricted to my dating blunders. There’s been numerous times with friends, family members, work colleagues, that, if only I had been able to go deeper, ask engaging heart opening questions, maybe I could have made a real difference to them in that moment and enriched our relationship at the same time.
We could speculate ’til the cows come home about why we don’t ask the kind of questions that create true intimacy and connection. I’m sure that people have done just that, there’s no doubt books written about it, scientific papers on it, seminars and therapy sessions that take people back into their childhood to see what happened even, but knowing something doesn’t necessarily make a difference. People usually know what they need to do to change things. For example, if you want to lose weight, change of diet and exercise will do that in most cases but does that mean everyone who wants to lose weight, does so? No. If you want to play the guitar, having a guitar in your house and practicing a little every day will most likely lead to competency but how many times when playing in public or amongst friends have I heard, “Oh I wish I could play the guitar, I’ve always wanted to be able to play the guitar, you’re so lucky”.
So knowing something doesn’t necessarily make a difference. One thing I know does make a difference is having a structure to support what you are committed to. Imagine having a structure to help you have conversations that go deeper, that gives you questions that open things up. Well, now there is the perfect app called Get Real. A very dear friend of mine, David Wood, created it, and he’s done an awesome job already and he’s continually developing it so it just gets better and better. How cool that technology can help us to get real and be connected to each other when what we mostly hear about is it getting in the way of that.
“Well, now there is the perfect app called Get Real“
Here are a few sample questions to give you a taste of what you’ll find at the Get Real app…
- What’s something you judge people for that stops you loving them?
- What’s something you don’t want people to know about you?
- What dream have you given up on?
Try it out for free on iOS or Android and let us know how your next conversation goes. https://www.getreal.life
Here’s to getting real and having fun in the process. Oh, and by the way, after being friends for 20 years, I finally got real with a particular someone and asked the right questions and we’re now a couple. Very happy chappy I am.